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CLEVELAND -- The city's MLB team officially has its new name.
The team announced through a video posted to its Twitter account on Friday morning that it will be changing its name from the Cleveland Indians to the Cleveland Guardians. The name will go into effect following the conclusion of the 2021 season.
I think it is time to address all of the racist, patriarchal, oppressive, and insensitive team names from baseball.
New York Yankees – Yankees were white men who overran the indigenous people
Boston Red Sox – Red is a derogatory term for indigenous people - peaceful, I might add
Chicago White Sox – It has the word “White” in it. Do I have to explain everything?
Cleveland Indians – They are now the Guardians; guards are keeping people unjustly in prison. Oh, and there is a Cleveland roller-derby team already called the Guardians.
Detroit Tigers – “Detroit” represents white, French colonizers.
Kansas City Royals – Royalty implies privilege
Oakland A’s – Grading people A through F is racist.
Los Angeles Angels – Angels are symbols of an oppressive religion
Texas Rangers – Rangers arrested people.
Atlanta Braves – Really…are we still talking about this in 2021?
Philadelphia Phillies – Typical. The females are doing all the work and the males take the credit.
Washington Nationals – National is racist and xenophobic.
Cincinnati Reds – Again, mocking the indigenous people because of the color of their skin.
St. Louis Cardinals – “Saint” is problematic, “Louis” was some privileged white guy, and “Cardinal” is red (see above). So, both the city and the nickname have to go.
Pittsburgh Pirates – This is OK – Pirates loot…I mean, peacefully riot.
San Francisco Giants – Why all the hierarchical language. Oh, and “San” is short for Saint, so that has to go also. I bet Francisco did some bad stuff as well in the olden days – like 2019.
Los Angeles Dodgers – “Los” is cultural appropriation; “Angeles” is angels (see above). But “Dodger” is good, especially after one peacefully riots. So that part can stay.
San Diego Padres – San = Saint; Diego = some guy who did some bad stuff a long time ago; Padres = a lot of guys who did a lot of bad stuff a long time ago.
Arizona Diamondbacks – Diamonds are mined on the backs of the poor and those dispossessed of their land.
Conclusion
I find nothing wrong with the following, but that is likely only due to my deeply held but unexamined implicit biases. I am begging both for help and for forgiveness.
Tampa Bay Rays
Toronto Blue Jays
Baltimore Orioles
Minnesota Twins
Houston Astros
Seattle Mariners
New York Mets
Miami Marlins
Milwaukee Brewers
Chicago Cubs
Colorado Rockies
My problem is the Colorado Rockies haven't played Major League level baseball for 15 years. Wait... I mean... their team colors (black, white, purple) glorify the bruises whites have inflicted on black people in America.
ReplyDeleteHow's that?
"Mariners" clearly represents the evil whites who sailed out to oppress people across the globe.
ReplyDeleteWell, Bionic, I am going to help you, but forgiveness is not mine to give since I am as guilty as you are. For those who are interested, I wrote an article in the same vein last year ridiculing the lengths some will go to destroy the Christmas season. See it here: http://poorrogersalmanac.com/2020/12/01/political-correctness-meets-the-virus-now-thats-holiday/
ReplyDeleteNow, commercial over, on to the promised assistance.
Baltimore is an extinct title of nobility in the Peerage of Ireland. The Lords Baltimore were rich, white men (Catholic, to boot) who started and maintained colonies in America. Probably dispossessed the native Americans of their rightful (a.k.a, seized by force) property as well. But, hey, even the name America is taken from another rich, white man, Amerigo Vespucci, so Baltimore, America is wrong on both counts. Where is the cancel culture when you need it?
Houston is named after Sam Houston, the blood-thirsty general who waged war on innocent Mexicans during the War of Texan Aggression (white, culturally appropriative, genocidal). I should also mention that Houston is THE center of the global warming, carbon-spewing, racist, catastrophic, existential crisis known by those who are woke as "climate change". Not only that, but Astro was the name of the Jetsons dog, who couldn't help being "owned" by a rich, white family who obviously took advantage of his helplessness, which is exactly what this odious team is doing. Animal abusers, every one of them!
Too many people in Minnesota having twins is a huge contributing factor in the existential crisis of overpopulation, meaning too many of "them". Some of "them" are going to have to go. From here on out, only singles will be allowed. No more doubles, let alone triplets.
It is amazing what a person can think up...if he wants to. What is more amazing is that others might actually believe this.
Funny post, Roger. Thanks for sharing.
DeleteBrewers are from Milwaukee, founded by ethnic Germans. Germans are Nazis, of course.
ReplyDeleteYou forgot the Portland Trailblazers - colonialists, all!
ReplyDeleteBasketball will be tackled in a later post.
DeleteLove this post (saw on LewRockwell). Now here is my take on doing the same thing with the NFL which I used to follow before they became so damned political. This is based on a post on AmericanThinker--https://www.americanthinker.com/blog/2021/07/cleveland_guardians_of_the_galaxyor_at_least_of_the_woke_sports_world.html
ReplyDeleteThe author wrote this:
""...National Football League
*Minnesota Vikings...white, Aryan, aggressive, macho, plundering types. Combines toxic masculinity with white supremacy. I feel faint. This name must go ASAP!
*New England Patriots...how do you think this makes all the people historically and systemically oppressed by America feel? "Patriot" is just a euphemism for "radical right-wing domestic terrorist."
*San Diego Chargers...this is marginalizing, exclusionary — and very hurtful — to all those who still pay with cash or check.
*Tennessee Titans...holy cow. Not much love for the underclass and less than mighty here."
--
How'se about all of the teams? Here are the rest:
Buffalo Bills--what an insult to guys named George and folks who actually over pay them (bills, doncha know)
Miami Dolphins--what an insult to porpuses and manatees and yes, whales!
New York Jets--how'se about Airplanes? And besides, this team has sucked for how long?
Pittsburgh Steelers--an insult to robbers everywhere
Baltimore Ravens--the family of Edgar Allen Poe ought to sue for libel...nevermore!
Cincinnati Bengals--Maybe the Indian State of Bengal should sue the owner!
Cleveland Browns--How'se about the Cleveland Rainbows to assuage LGBTQs?
Houston Texans--as if all Texans live in Houston! Sheesh!
Jacksonville Jaguars--as if there's any jaguars in Jacksonville except the zoo! What an insult to tigers, cougars, yada yada yada
Indianapolis Colts--when they moved from Baltimore they should have changed the name to Indianapolis Escape Artists
Kansas City Chiefs--well, if the Redskins could do it....
Denver Bronocs--The way they've played, maybe "burros" is more like it!
Las Vegas Raiders--considering Vegas, this name might actually be appropriate
Los Angeles Chargers--to the guy who wrote the original post...they moved from San Diego a couple of years ago...get with the program!
Dallas Cowboys--How'se about Dallas Assassins...in memory to JFK and all that...
Philadelphia Eagles--I'd prefer Iggles here
Chicago Bears--With Nagy and Tribusky, how'se about Chicago Bores?
Detroit Lions--Never been to a Super Bowl...how'se about Kittens?
Green Bay Packers--Okay okay, it's a publicly owned team...
Atlanta Falcons--Considering Georgia's and especially Atlanta's part in the election steal, how'se about Faul-cons?
New Orleans Saints--I wonder if Jesus Christ would approve of a team that has a defensive coordinator who told his defensive players to bully other players? Though they've done well over the last fifteen years because of Drew Brees, I'd say Aints is more like it
Carolina Panthers--see my Jacksonville Jags comment
Tampa Bay Bucs--How'se about Tampa Bay Bradys? Or Bradys and Gronks? Or just Tampa Bradys?
Seattle Seahawks--Wokehawks? Because She-hawks is too politically incorrect...
Los Angeles Rams--Since St. Louis is just as woke as LA, maybe they should return to St. Louis and call themselves the Lambs....baaaahhhhhh!
Arizona Cardinals--How many cardinals actually exist in Phoenix? Heck they're barely seen out here in desert rural remote far west Texas!
San Fransisco 49ers--Talk about woke! Whiners is more like it!
Note: She-hawks? That's what Niners fans call them....
Upset that my team the New York Mets were overlooked and the Yankees received the top spot! Mets is short for the New York Metropolitans like the New York Knicks is short for New York Knickerbockers. Metropolitan areas contain no indigenous people; were built by racist White Western European men while women stayed home labored in the kitchen and were forced to have sex and make babies. Blacks helped build the Metropolitan areas but were underpaid and overworked i.e "slave wages." Please correct your list the Mets are more "offensive" than the Yankees and better at defense and pitching as well.
ReplyDeleteTampa Bay Rays - Rays of light shining truth and we all no we can't have that.
ReplyDeleteToronto Blue Jays - Annoying French-accented chirp.
Baltimore Orioles - "New World orioles, of the blackbird family are unrelated to Old World orioles of the family Oriolidae yet are strikingly similar in size, diet, behavior, and strongly contrasting plumage, a good example of convergent evolution. We are all the same? Science? No! Also, home to the great HL Mencken and we can't have that!
Minnesota Twins - Freaks of nature, but like gingers, still okay to make sport of.
Houston Astros - Space Force, space invaders, evil asteroid miners exploiting natural resources a la Heinlein's The Moon is a Harsh Mistress.
Seattle Mariners - Sea disrupters and invaders ruining the natural, flora and fauna spreading pestulence far and wide.
New York Mets - Kind of like DC Beltway Cosmopolitan "libertarians," but worse.
Miami Marlins - Their noses are deadly weapons and should be outlawed.
Milwaukee Brewers - Baptists and bootleggers detest the local, independent brewers.
Chicago Cubs - Cubbies grow up to big, bad bears eating people contra Grizzly Man!
Colorado Rockies - Colonial Federal usurpers of tribal lands.
The University of Notre Dame's "Fighting Irish" mascot perpetuates the stereotype of the drunken and combative Irishman. Since the Irish historically are white Christians, this kind of defamation might be deemed acceptable and even *de rigueur*--if not for the Irish people's ties to the Church of Rome, with all the villainies, colonizing, and triumphalism such allegiance entails. Down goes the Pugilistic Leprechaun!
ReplyDelete