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A topic I have been thinking about for some time, motivated by an episode in my life a few months ago. Why is it coming out now? I guess I have stewed on it long enough, but also because regular commenter Roger posted something at his site, “How to Get Along in Five Easy Steps”. To be clear: both his context and mine regards those we know, those we interact with – friends, family, neighbors.
Roger’s first step:
Examine yourself and admit that you might have something to do with the problem. Identify those areas within your own life which make it hard for other people to get along with you. (Notice that the thrust of the argument has been flipped. It’s not that you find it hard to get along with others, but that they find it hard to get along with you. If this rings true, then Step 2 should be easy for you to figure out.)
This is so right. How much of our conflict and disagreement is rooted and perpetuated in a lack of self-reflection? This is evidence of pride – a lack of humility. It is contrary to a fundamental teaching of Jesus Christ:
Matthew 7: 3 And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? 4 Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye? 5 Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.
Roger’s following four steps are left blank, to be customized by you and me – according to where we are and regarding the specifics of the issues. He does suggest using the Beatitudes as a guideline for this, and I wholeheartedly agree.
With that said…
There is so little left available to us to discuss openly and freely even with friends and family, where a difference of opinion does not result in an opportunity for growth but instead a certainty of disdain. This hit me with full force recently, with a group who is very important to me. Not that there is a surprise, as there have been clear signs and comments – but reality has a way of using a two-by-four upside the head when replacing what was likely with what is certain.
Matthew 22: 36 “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law?”
37 Jesus said to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ 38 This is the first and great commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ 40 On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.”
Am I loving my neighbor if I am not presenting Christ to him? Yet, it is right here, where conflict rises to the point of disdain – because almost every subject is now considered in such an extreme manner, and the worst of these subjects are so contrary to Christ – sinful, and unrepentantly so. In fact, presented as if somehow what is plain in Scripture is not really there.
In other words, while society has watered down the meaning of “love” to be something like “affirm,” this is not true love, not the love we are called to.
I would like to go back to the passage in Matthew 7, with what immediately follows Jesus’s teaching about planks and logs in eyes:
Matthew 7: 6 “Do not give what is holy to the dogs; nor cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you in pieces.”
Immediately after Jesus teaches to focus on self-reflection, the gospel writer Matthew records this. It is interesting: as Roger notes, self-reflection, then work through the Beatitudes.
I think one could consider the entirety of the Beatitudes an exercise and growth opportunity in self-reflection. So, after such self-reflection, it seems Jesus suggests we stop dealing with our neighbors in the same way.
Conclusion
At some point, loving my neighbor by presenting the Gospel to him comes to an end. And at that point, I know how to go along to get along: stick to sports and music. Thus far, these subjects are not so tainted that they result in disdain.
"Am I loving my neighbor if I am not presenting Christ to him?"
ReplyDeleteIf I am not presenting Christ to my neighbor, who or what am I presenting? How am I loving my neighbor if I present anyone or anything other than Christ to him?
It seems to me that the most important part of presenting Christ is in the presentation itself. How do I present Christ? The only responsibility we have toward our neighbor is to present Christ, in a manner which can only be described as agape love and which we all fail from time to time. We are not responsible for the way our neighbor responds to us. That is his problem.
"How much of our conflict and disagreement is rooted and perpetuated in a lack of self-reflection? This is evidence of pride – a lack of humility."
This is true, but how are we going to attain humility if we don't make mistakes and learn from them? After the test is given, the lesson begins. Our response to it will determine if we graduate to a higher level or take the course over again.
Matthew 7: 6 “Do not give what is holy to the dogs; nor cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you in pieces.”
My father used to say that we always have to tell the truth, but we do not have to tell everything we know. No elaboration necessary. There are times when it is better to be quiet than to speak. Wisdom, accumulated over the years, and reliance on the Holy Spirit are the guides (guardrails) in place to help us know what is right to say, when to say it, and the way it is said. Failures, which will happen, should drive us to a point of self-reflection, confession, and repentance, which, if practiced honestly, leads to humility and greater understanding.
"At some point, loving my neighbor by presenting the Gospel to him comes to an end."
No, it doesn't. The presentation of the gospel should never end, but the method and manner of presentation may have to change. Living the gospel within the view of my neighbor may be the only way I have to communicate the gospel to him, even if I never say a word. On the other hand, if I know that the only way I can talk peaceably with my neighbor is to discuss football scores or classic rock smash hits, then wisdom would dictate that is all we talk about, trusting in God to bring about an opening, somehow, somewhere, sometime.
“If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.” — Romans 12:18
It is always possible, even if we talk about nothing more than sports and music. Or saying nothing at all, just simply living out our faith as long as the channels of communication are kept open.
Roger, a reaction to couple of your points (most of which I agree with, the following for purposes of testing it out a bit more):
DeleteMatthew 10: 11 “Now whatever city or town you enter, inquire who in it is worthy, and stay there till you go out. 12 And when you go into a household, greet it. 13 If the household is worthy, let your peace come upon it. But if it is not worthy, let your peace return to you. 14 And whoever will not receive you nor hear your words, when you depart from that house or city, shake off the dust from your feet. 15 Assuredly, I say to you, it will be more tolerable for the land of Sodom and Gomorrah in the day of judgment than for that city!
Yes. At some point, presenting the gospel comes to an end. Further, it seems also even interacting with such people comes to an end (I don't want to get caught in Sodom and Gomorrah) - even to talks sports or music.
As for living peaceably with all men, the apostle Paul began that statement with "if."
Bionic, thank you for responding. I will address your second point first.
DeleteYes, Paul did begin his statement with "if", but then he laid the responsibility for making peace possible directly on the person(s) he was addressing. As much as is possible WITH YOU, live in peace. This should be our go-to principle, with the understanding that, as much as depends on our own sinful, human nature, we might very well fail. However, the fall back position is that, "...with God, ALL things are possible." With God, it is entirely possible that we can live in peace with our neighbors. After all, "When a man's ways please the Lord, He makes even his enemies to be at peace with him." --Proverbs 16:7
As to our disagreement on the end of the presentation of the gospel, we might be guilty of dealing in semantics. My impression is the the Gospel is presented IN SOME WAY, even if it is not spoken. Body language certainly portrays our attitude towards others and it is discernible.
In referencing the Scripture in Matthew 10, you have brought out an important point about presenting the gospel which many people may not understand and might recoil from IF they did understand it. The gospel does not consist in only kind platitudes, walking down a sawdust trail at a "revival" meeting, or encouraging someone to say the sinner's prayer, but it encompasses one's entire life--good, bad, ugly. Part of the gospel relates to God's Justice, His judgements, and a system of rewards/punishments, in which we all play a part. It might be said that by "shaking the dust off one's feet" against someone with whom we cannot "get along", we are presenting the gospel to them, albeit in a very negative way. In such a situation, we are proclaiming (whether it is spoken or silent) that the judgment of God will visit them at some time in the future--unless they change their ways, which is the flip side of the gospel which tells people that God loves them. Both are absolutely correct and we should not shrink back from either.
As much as is possible with you, be at peace with your neighbor, but if it is not possible at all, then don't have any compunction about cutting him loose and transferring the situation into a Higher Court, which will render a just verdict.
Roger, I appreciate your comment, and through this dialogue I feel we are very much aligned.
DeleteAs to my stumbling onto perhaps a larger meaning about presenting the Gospel, what strikes me is the similarity between Jesus (or one of His disciples) shaking the dust off of His feet and what is meant when God turns His face away from someone.
Regarding "if" it is possible for me, I am continually reminded: if nothing else, I can always pray for even those for whom I feel it most impossible for me to live with at peace.
And I pray God's blessing and presence to be with you as you work your way through this situation. Peace be with you, in every way, but especially internally.
Delete"You will never be perfect, but you can always be better." -- Warren Buffett