Go Along to Get Along

 

A topic I have been thinking about for some time, motivated by an episode in my life a few months ago.  Why is it coming out now?  I guess I have stewed on it long enough, but also because regular commenter Roger posted something at his site, “How to Get Along in Five Easy Steps”.  To be clear: both his context and mine regards those we know, those we interact with – friends, family, neighbors. 

Roger’s first step:

Examine yourself and admit that you might have something to do with the problem. Identify those areas within your own life which make it hard for other people to get along with you. (Notice that the thrust of the argument has been flipped. It’s not that you find it hard to get along with others, but that they find it hard to get along with you. If this rings true, then Step 2 should be easy for you to figure out.)

This is so right.  How much of our conflict and disagreement is rooted and perpetuated in a lack of self-reflection?  This is evidence of pride – a lack of humility.  It is contrary to a fundamental teaching of Jesus Christ:

Matthew 7: 3 And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? 4 Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye? 5 Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

Roger’s following four steps are left blank, to be customized by you and me – according to where we are and regarding the specifics of the issues.  He does suggest using the Beatitudes as a guideline for this, and I wholeheartedly agree.

With that said…

There is so little left available to us to discuss openly and freely even with friends and family, where a difference of opinion does not result in an opportunity for growth but instead a certainty of disdain.  This hit me with full force recently, with a group who is very important to me.  Not that there is a surprise, as there have been clear signs and comments – but reality has a way of using a two-by-four upside the head when replacing what was likely with what is certain.

Matthew 22: 36 “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law?”

37 Jesus said to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ 38 This is the first and great commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ 40 On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.”

Am I loving my neighbor if I am not presenting Christ to him?  Yet, it is right here, where conflict rises to the point of disdain – because almost every subject is now considered in such an extreme manner, and the worst of these subjects are so contrary to Christ – sinful, and unrepentantly so.  In fact, presented as if somehow what is plain in Scripture is not really there.

In other words, while society has watered down the meaning of “love” to be something like “affirm,” this is not true love, not the love we are called to. 

I would like to go back to the passage in Matthew 7, with what immediately follows Jesus’s teaching about planks and logs in eyes:

Matthew 7: 6 “Do not give what is holy to the dogs; nor cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you in pieces.”

Immediately after Jesus teaches to focus on self-reflection, the gospel writer Matthew records this.  It is interesting: as Roger notes, self-reflection, then work through the Beatitudes. 

I think one could consider the entirety of the Beatitudes an exercise and growth opportunity in self-reflection.  So, after such self-reflection, it seems Jesus suggests we stop dealing with our neighbors in the same way.

Conclusion

At some point, loving my neighbor by presenting the Gospel to him comes to an end.  And at that point, I know how to go along to get along: stick to sports and music.  Thus far, these subjects are not so tainted that they result in disdain.